Today I needed to practice. I went to the rink wearing my "God loves Derby Girls" shirt and of course all my gear.
Ans comes to the rink to practice too. We about to do our slow laps when I see 3 derby ladies there.
I don't know what came over me but I felt so insecure and vulnerable. Here I am: 33, can't skate, wearing a derby shirt and padding. I felt like they were going to laugh at me. No reason, no logic.
It was the first time my eyes teared up and I wanted to run away and hide!
I get to the car after doing a half lap and call my best friend.
I BAWLED! I don't know what triggered it. I cried. I felt stupid.
what am I doing? Roller derby? I can't even skate. I am intimidated and can't make it through practice because of my fear of judgement.
I wish I personally knew someone who was in derby. Call them and ask if I am crazy. Am I realistic. Someone on the inside.
Nevertheless, a few minutes ago I scheduled another private lesson.
The tears have dried.
From the thoughts of a RDW