I'll finally skate. Ugh! I am having the hardest time. I have my new skates, which are BEAUTIFUL!
I went to my private lesson yesterday. As soon as I got on the rink and they saw my new skates, they pulled me to the side to check them out. The trucks needed to be tightened and I learned that I can't lace my shoes worth CRAP!
Felt like a kid for a few moments. It did make a difference though. I fell... TWICE but with my new knee pads it was like a dream. Just like falling on pillows. I am working on my knee bend and posture. I am stiff out there. Once I practiced where my knees should be, and hip placement and where the weight should be placed, I felt STABLE. But I also felt incredibly S-L-O-W. My thighs were burning from the bending and moving around the entire track.
My husband stayed and watched the lesson. The overall feeling is that I NEED TO RELAX. How do I do that? ugh.
It's like a fork in the road. Either I am going to relax enough and do this thing or I'm going to tense up and make things worse. I know that. I know that. I know that. But it's not changing anything. I'm so in my head. I feel like I am saying, "pick up your left foot, make sure you are marching, small steps, small steps, bend your knees, breathe, look up, hips" REPEAT.
How do I just trust myself?
I have given birth- 2 times without drugs. Surely I can skate. I don't know why the comparison except that I am stronger than I think I am and can do more than I thought I could do. Except skate apparently.
I emailed my roller derby idol- Trigger Mortis from Assassination City Roller Derby. I heard her interview on Good Morning Texas and when she said she went from not skating and now skates competitively. I felt the skies part and sunshine break through. I felt hopeful.
I need a roller derby friend. Someone in the know.
Honestly, I need lots of prayer.